There is currently a hashtag on Twitter - #MaleProverbs - and I would like to take this opportunity to encourage everyone to read it, for it is indeed filled with great truth and stories of epic douchebaggery. If you recognize yourself in some of these tweets then take note, for you may in fact be a douchebag.
There is however one that bothers the everloving fuck out of me, and about which I am going to rant for the remainder of this blog post:
@LunaGemme: "-Any opinion on birth control & abortion- #maleproverbs"
Come for the lead, stay for the rant, but you'll have to click through.
So, here's the thing - first off, NOBODY has the right to tell ME what I can and cannot have an opinion on (and gee, wasn't that the first fucking thing someone did when I expressed my distaste for @LunaGemme's statement?) -- If I want to have an opinion on the price of llama droppings in Peru, or the obnoxious cost of Diet Doctor Pepper in Somalia, or the weather in Siberia that is my right. You may agree with my opinion, or you may disagree with it, but you do not get to tell me that I can't have an opinion.
Anyone who wants to say I'm not entitled to my opinion on this (or any other issue) can go fuck themselves with a live porcupine.
Seriously. Go. I'm done with you.
Now, more to the point: I'm sorry ladies but Birth Control and Abortion are NOT exclusively "women's issues".
Let's talk a little bit about birth control, shall we?
First of all I'm a big ol' fucking faggot of a homo. While I identify as sexually flexible there are maybe 3 women alive who will turn my head - by and large I like the cock, and the ass, and the mouth (maybe with a little stubble around it cuz that's kinda hawt... sorry where was I?).
There's no hole I can shove my cock into on a guy and wind up with a kid, so birth control isn't an issue for me - but ya know what? I HAVE AN OPINION ANYWAY - yes I do! My very own fully formed and reasoned opinion, and I'm going to type part of it out right here in my rant.
First off I think birth control should be legal. I say this right up front because there are some places in the world where it isn't legal (those places suck).
I also think birth control should be safe and effective, and available to anyone who wants it (male or female - read on) - including being covered by insurance. I hope I've made no enemies among the ladies (or gentlemen) so far - I think among my readers we can all agree on those points.
Now that that's out of the way, let's think about a few common types of birth control. Statistically "The Pill" is the most common, and I will lump all the hormone-based treatments in here and readily concede that they are all a woman's choice: No person has the right to force a woman to take (or not take) birth control pills (or equivalent). Anyone who tries to do so is a a douchecanoe of epic proportions, and please feel free to punch him or her in their appropriately-sensitive genitals.
Now what's next? Well any doctor will tell you the BEST birth control out there is - wait for it - NOT HAVING SEX.
Not having sex is a choice either or both partners can make (and when made by either partner must be respected by the other - otherwise it's rape folks, and I think we can all agree rape is bad).
OK, how about condoms? Condoms are AWESOME folks, really - they're damn good at preventing pregnancy, and as a bonus think of all the nasty STDs you're substantially less likely to contract when (properly) using a condom! Oh, but wait, where do typical latex condoms go? On the penis!
Now sure a guy can say "It's my cock, I'm not putting on a condom." - and that's when a gal can say "And it's my <pick an oriface> and you're not getting in!"
But a guy can also say "Sorry, but I'm not puttng my cock into your <pick an oriface> without a condom!", and as much as the other partner(s) may beg and plead if he's got any common sense he'll take blueballs over HIV or a kid that shows up on his doorstep 9 months later.
Now let's talk about surgery - there are two common surgical procedures for contraception - vasectomies and tubal ligation.
Tubal ligation is a woman's choice (it's her body). It's also pretty fucking major surgery.
A vasectomy is a man's choice (it's his body). It's also a relatively simple procedure.
OK, now I'm done with birth control. Yes, there are plenty of other methods. They're for you and your partner(s) to discuss because, ideally, you should be discussing this shit with your partner and coming to a mutual decision.
OK, great. Now let's talk about abortion.
I'm a guy. Genuine XY chromosomal pairing. I have no ovaries, fallopian tubes, or uterus. The chances of my becoming pregnant are exactly zero.
Also as we established above by and large I prefer my partners to have equipment that matches mine, so the chances of my partners becoming pregnant, while not exactly zero, are certainly within epsilon of zero. But hey I'm also a nice Italian man and I have opinions about everything, even abortion!
My opinion is that abortion should be lega, safe, and rare (oh, and covered by insurance too, like birth control!). Again, I hope I've made no enemies here, because among my readers I think we can all agree on this too!
Now, Whose choice is it? Ultimately the woman's.
Yes ladies and gentlement, it's HER body and she's being asked to carry a parisite aroudn in it for 9 months and then try to squeeze a humvee out of a parking space designed for a mini cooper - she gets to decide if she wants do that.
But when we make choices in our lives that affect other people it is incumbent on us to think not only of ourselves. Not every pregnancy is the result of rape, incest, a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, or a failure of the birth control methods described above, and a woman in a relationship with a man should, in my opinion, be discussing the pregnancy with that man. It's not mandatory by any stretch of the imagination, but if you're in a relationship where you can't have that conversation with your partner then, again in my opinion, you should be seriously re-evaluating that relationship as well as trying to decide what to do about the pregnancy.
OK folks, I'm pretty well all ranted out. Thanks for listening. Collect your T shirt from the androgynous robot at the door on your way out.
Oh and comments are off because I'm just not dealing with the kinds of folks who will start with the name calling and "you're not entitled to an opinion" bullshit. It's my blog and I can be a fucking comment nazi if I want to. Find me on Twitter if you wanna say something, but be warned my bullshit tolerance for this topic is sub-zero.
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